If you work in the hospitality industry and find forgetting things hinders your performance or you work with somebody in the industry that you know suffers with this, then this blog is for you. Great, now I’ve ticked off the entire hospitality industry, let’s begin…
Full disclosure, I am a terrible waiter. I forget things. All. The. Time. Every single service. Without fail.
I walk away from a table, “Put those drinks through, put those drinks through, put those drinks through, put those drinks through” on a constant loop inside my head, sometimes even verbalised out loud, I think of nothing else, tunnel vision towards the till, like a homing missile, I am on a mission to make sure Table10 get their two glasses of white. “Gareth, do you have sec?” Annnnnnnnd it’s gone. That train of thought which was the ONLY thing inside my head just half a second ago has now disappeared into the ether that is my non-existent working memory and will only return in about 20 minutes when I catch a disapproving look from table10 as they glance down at the absent space above their knives where those crisp, thirst-quenching glasses of Sauvignon Blanc should currently be sitting. FUCK! I’ve done it again.
I sincerely apologise if you have ever personally had the understandably annoying experience of waiting too long for something which I forgot. However, I’d like to think that you left my restaurant having had a wonderful experience and ironically, forgot all about my forgetfulness. If this is true, please know that whilst my initial forgetfulness was not intentional, you leaving the restaurant having forgotten about my earlier forgetfulness, was absolutely my intention.
If I am such a terrible waiter, how have I managed to successfully run restaurants, hotels and large teams so successfully? I have mastered the skill of fixing mistakes.
In fact, I love it. I get a buzz from guests departing happy after a rocky start to their experience. My forgetfulness can be so bad that I do sometimes wonder if my ADHD brain has created a kind of weird, sub-conscious, self-sabotage situation that creates opportunities for me to fix a mistake and turn things around to get the dopamine hit that it craves. But that’s a conversation for another time and probably best had with a therapist.
So, why does this happen?
Attention “Deficit”
I do not have a clinical memory disorder; these are a completely separate sub-section of neurological disorders. I have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. There is a lot of discourse around the naming of this condition and how the words used are not the best description of what the condition actually entails and can actually be viewed as a pretty harmful description which has led to unjust prejudice, misdiagnosis and underdiagnosis. Hyper focus is something that the majority of people with ADHD experience. However, a person’s ability to hyper focus is often cited as a core reason as to why they have not explored the potential of having ADHD. “I can zone in on a specific task for hours on end without stopping, how can I have an attention deficit?”
One of my main issues is around the word “deficit” and its understood definition of “a lack of”. My brain does not have a lack of attention, I am in fact currently hyper focusing on writing this blog and I am therefore paying a huge amount of attention to it, the same amount as somebody without ADHD would be able to pay to it. My brain regulates attention differently; it does not have less of it available. A neurotypical brainregulates attention based on importance. Information which is important is committed to memory and therefore able to be recalled or actioned when needed. An ADHD brain regulates attention based on interest and therefore information which we find to be interesting is committed to memory. For example, last week I forgot to cancel a premium subscription to an app after a free trial finished which cost me £95. The date this free trial ended was important, but it simply did not interest me and therefore I forgot. On the other hand, I have a weird ability to memorise restaurant menus pretty much word for word. The starters which were on offer at a restaurant I ate at 6 months ago are absolutely not important, but this interested me, so into the memory bank they go.
Essentially, if information does not spark novelty, absolute urgency, reward or emotion then it won’t be encoded to my memory.
Executive Function
Executive function is a core skill which allows neurotypical people to:
- Store relevant information in working memory
- Plan what needs to be done based on information received
- Memorise the steps needed to get it done
- Start doing it
- Maintain focus long enough to complete the task
- Inhibit impulses which deviate from the task
- Ignore distractions
- Monitor and adjust behaviour as needed
- Complete the task
Pretty important stuff.
I am no neuroscientist (I don’t find the inner workings of the brain interesting enough so I would never remember anything about them) but this process occurs in the prefrontal cortex. Brain scans have revealed a genuine physical difference between the development of the prefrontal cortex in the brains of those with ADHD and those without ADHD – if anybody any ever questions the existence of ADHD to you, hit them with this fact and see if they can dispute it.
Because of this difference, people with ADHD often struggle with executive function which leads to important information being forgotten and therefore the tasks which that information should have led to being completed, not being completed.
Information – Table10 have ordered two glasses of Sauvignon Blanc
Task – Put two glasses of Sauvignon Blanc through the till
Outcome – Table10 get the two glasses of Sauvignon Blanc they asked for
Forget the information, the task doesn’t get done and the outcome doesn’t happen.
Overstimulation
People with ADHD can often have difficulty with sensory processing which can lead to overwhelm when sensory cues are in excess. Flickering or variable lighting, loud noises, different noises, bright screens, people moving in your periphery, intense smells, differing tactile textures, sound a lot like a Saturday night service?
Whilst I argue that people with ADHD do not have a deficit of attention, everybody has a finite amount of conscious cognitive load which they can process. Neurotypical people can process these sensory cues sub-consciously and therefore this does not use any of their cognitive load. Conversely, many people with ADHD will notice all of these sensory cues consciously and this will drain their mental load and leave less available for information processing and lead to forgetfulness. Sensory overload is also commonly experienced by those with autism.
Overstimulation isn’t actually something which I have to deal with and I actually prefer environments with many sensory cues as this kicks my brain out of dormancy and forces it to engage with the environment around it.
How Can We Help?
We will never “cure” ADHD. People with ADHD will always struggle with working memory. However, one thing we can do is implement strategies to assist our team members with their forgetfulness.
Checklists
Some people love them, and some people hate them. One of the best examples of these that actually work is used by a waiter I work with. She will use her order pad to write all of the tables in her section down the left-hand side of the first page of her pad and then will create a grid with steps such as “Water” (W), “Drinks Order (DO), along the top in the sequence that she needs to complete them and ticks them off as she goes. She can then visualise her next steps or notice if she has forgotten anything at a glance. She extended this to the second page and now has a list of all her tables with any allergens or dietary requirements written next to them.
Let People Finish What They Are Doing
As a manager, it is easy to forget the respect you command. When you ask for something, people will often drop what they are doing and immediately shift their attention to you. This can be a blessing and a curse. Whilst it is great that people are so willing to listen to you or assist you. If you distract someone with ADHD, the important task they were in the middle of completing will often go unfinished and in turn impact upon your guests.
Use language such as “Are you in the middle of something right now?” “When you have finished what you are currently doing….”. This allows your team to politely tell you to just give them a second whilst they finish their current task before they shift their concentration to you. It also demonstrates to them that just because it is you requesting something, this does not mean that the thing they are currently doing should just be dropped without question. If you are suggesting this, then you probably need to stop being lazy and complete the task yourself.
Also, I beg of you, please stop trying to talk to someone when they are putting an order through the till.
POS System Prompts
Many POS are now incredibly sophisticated and can be used to prompt team members of tasks. For example, tables can be allocated to specific waiters and when they log on and it’s been 5 minutes since Table12’s mains hit their table, the system can prompt them to do a checkback. Or, let them know that it’s now been 20 minutes since a table was away’d and they still haven’t received their food.
Help People Plan Ahead
If you see a member of the team looking a little lost of flustered, this is when you can interrupt them. Stand with them looking over their section and ask them what are there next 5 steps? Yes, this may take a minute, but it helps with the executive function process of visualising their next steps and forming a plan in their head which they can then aim to execute. “I’m clearing mains off 6 next, then dropping dessert menus, then an order from 8, then bread’ing them…” Just make sure the first thing they do is finish the task they were doing when you interrupted them! Check back in 5 minutes to see if everything they planned to do was done, if not then you can assist.
The Big One – Teach People How to Fix Mistakes
As I mentioned previously, we will never cure ADHD. We can implement strategies which can help but they will never completely solve the problem. The sooner we accept that even with all of the strategies in the world, mistakes will inevitably happen, the sooner we can provide the best experiences possible to our guests.
It is also vital to remember that the way feedback is delivered is critically important when managing people who have ADHD or are neurodivergent. Many people with ADHD suffer from Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria. This is an intense and often disproportionate response to perceived rejection, criticism or failure. ADHD brains thrive on dopamine and therefore feedback delivered poorly which strips the brain of dopamine can actually illicit what feels like a physical response to this feedback. It is truly hard to put into words, but it can genuinely feel like being punched in the stomach. Imagine the emotional response you had to some of the worst news you’ve ever been given but instead you get that response when your manager tells you that you forgot to away table 4’s mains, mid-service on a Sunday lunch.
In essence, we need to implement strategies which aim to prevent things going wrong but also implement contingency plans for when they inevitably do go wrong. A great example of this was shared by Rox of ADHD Love. Rox struggles with forgetting her keys and therefore getting locked out, Rox tried many different methods for remembering to take her keys with her when she leaves the house, however there were inevitably still times when she did forget her keys. The breakthrough was installing a lockbox by her front door with a spare key in it so that when she did forget her keys, it didn’t cause a problem.
Our team being able to effectively and efficiently fix mistakes is our contingency plan. This is a skill which takes a lot of practice but when you develop the ability to do it with ease, your life in hospitality becomes infinitely easier. No more shuffling half-heartedly over to a table to explain a problem with an insincere apology and a guest who is now probably even more pissed off than they already were.
Throughout this framework, I will use an example that happened to me only last week. I had stepped into a section to help out one of my team, spotted a table with dessert menus down on top of each other on the table, went over to take an order, patted my back pocket to discover I’d left my order pad by the till so verbally took an order. Walking back towards the till, I noticed that another guest had dropped their napkin, I quickly replace this napkin with a clean one and the task of putting their order through, ceases to exist in my mind. 15 minutes later I walk past their table, no desserts because I never put their order on. FUCK. I scan my brain for their order, crumble and a cheesecake, crumble takes at least 8 minutes to cook, Double FUCK, I’ve got to own this one…
Confidence
I have learnt that you have to handle these situations with confidence. If you are stumbling over your words or sheepish then your anxiety will reflect onto your guest and cause greater distress to them.
I appreciate that this is sometimes easier said than done, especially when a guest has already been a little tricky. However, this confidence will become easier and easier to exude with every mistake you fix. It really is true, fake it until you make it. As you successfully fix mistakes you will feel a shift from having to act confident to genuinely being confident. Just be very, very careful that you do not stray into over-confidence or arrogance. Let sincerity keep you grounded.
I approach the table with my head held high and make eye contact with the guests, they are under no illusion that I am headed directly for them. But my hands are empty, where are our desserts?
I place my hands on the edge of the table to steady myself and crouch down to their level. This move is twofold, it literally puts us all on the same level and builds the sincerity of my words, unconsciously I have put myself into an uncomfortable position to have this important conversation so I must really care about what I am about to say. Also, it means I am not having to project my voice as much which means surrounding tables are less likely to overhear us and learn of how much of a terrible waiter I am. My old Restaurant Manager from my previous fine dining days would probably vomit at the site of this but I don’t operate in 1970s Paris and my tables aren’t laden with crisp white tablecloths. My operation is about genuine, human to human connection creating hospitable experiences not outdated etiquette from the days when people serving tables were seen as less than those they were serving.
My confidence and calmness sets the tone for the conversation, I remain in control and do not allow the situation to escalate.
Honesty
You may think you have the gift of the gab, and you can bullshit your way out of anything, you don’t, you can’t, and it just isn’t worth it. You will get caught out one day and make the situation 100x worse. You may also get a Tripadvisor review which mentions how the kitchen lost a ticket, and you’ll have a Head Chef wanting to know why a guest has been told this when that didn’t happen. Not talking from experience, I promise!
Honesty makes you vulnerable, in a good way. Most people will actually be much more sympathetic to the person in front of them holding their hands up to their mistake than the faceless kitchen brigade they may try and blame things on. This also builds trust from the outset, which is the overall aim of this exercise.
“Hi both, I am really sorry but as I was heading to put your order through the till, I was called away to deal with something urgent and therefore your order didn’t reach the kitchen…”
Yes, I may have embellished slightly here. But, I don’t think these guests would appreciate a full explanation of why my ADHD causes me to be forgetful and this is why they aren’t currently enjoying a cheesecake. This would also take a lot of time. Maybe I could add a QR code link to this blog on the tables or attach it to their confirmation? And technically, that dropped napkin was urgent.
Reassurance
They know what has happened, it is now your job to make sure they understand that you are in control of the situation and are going to make it right. Doing this immediately and effectively should allow them to relax and know that you are going to fix this. This is why it is vital to build a level of trust through your confidence and honesty.
“…They’re being made right away and will be with you as soon as possible, I am personally overseeing this but just to let you know that the crumble does require 8 minutes in the oven”
You don’t need to grovel or overly apologise. Make sure you do say sorry, but continuous apologies don’t reassure them, it makes them feel like they have to reassure you.
Gesture
You’ve identified the issue, apologised and given them a solution, now is the time to really make it right. Gestures demonstrate accountability, they show you genuinely care that a mistake was made and repairing the negative impact this had on their experience is worth more to you than the cost price of the gesture you give.
“I’m going to send you over a glass of a dessert wine for you both, so you have something to sip on whilst you wait. I really am sorry about this; you won’t see the desserts on your bill this evening”
Correctly handling a mistake goes such a long way towards guest experience. Mistakes happen and most people will be sympathetic to this, what will piss them off more is if the issue is not rectified appropriately or dealt with genuinely with care and compassion.
Always aim to make your gesture appropriate to the issue, if a steak is overcooked, do something to the price of the steak, comping their starters would just be confusing.
Also, if there are any corporate hospitality managers reading this and cringing at my generosity then I’ll ask you if the roughly £15 cost price of my gesture is outweighed by the £150+ of revenue made when they return as opposed to going somewhere that will properly resolve their issue.
How Do I Teach This?
Teaching your team to properly fix mistakes is all about empowerment. Your team need to genuinely feel confident as they approach a table to resolve an issue, not worrying about you berating them further if they get it wrong.
Role play is also a brilliant way of training this. It will feel a little awkward at first but it is a great way of practicing and making their reactions more natural when the time comes. Also, by putting your team in the shoes of the guest they can observe how different body language, words or actions have an impact upon them.
You have to lead by example, role model all of these areas, be confident, be honest, reassure them and when needed offer gestures of apology. Build “I’m sorry” into the day-to-day vocabulary of your team, if they can’t own up to their mistakes and fix them with each other, how can you expect them to do so with a guest?
Conclusion
I will never be a great waiter in terms of remembering to put order through, send tables away or do check backs. However, what hopefully makes me a great hotelier and restaurateur is my ability to fix any mistake that does happen. Some of my most loyal and long-standing guests have stemmed from service recovery.
We can spend our entire careers and our entire lives in the pursuit of perfection, but the crux of this is that perfection simply does not exist. So, spend the time either learning how or teaching others what to do when things do inevitably go wrong. Remember that every person has unique strengths, but every person has unique weaknesses alongside these. One of my core weaknesses is forgetfulness, one of yours may be the speed at which you work, both of these will create mistakes. I know how to fix my mistakes, do you?
